


Everything's Alright

by Waitthisisntproductive



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, I like to imagine they got together naturally without really having to talk about it much, M/M, Panic Attacks, the whole relationship part subtly goes from friends to lovers I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 05:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5322515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waitthisisntproductive/pseuds/Waitthisisntproductive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suga has always been responsible and hardworking, but sometimes the stress of life just becomes too much. Normally he's able to hide his anxiety pretty well, but sometimes things just don't go his way. At least he has a friend like Daichi to support him when he just can't take it anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's Alright

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfiction in a really, really long time, and it's one of the very few one-shots I've ever done and possibly the only one I've every posted, so I hope you guys enjoy it. If you notice any big mistakes please let me know.
> 
> I wrote this based on my own experiences with anxiety/panic attacks. Everyone experiences them differently, and I've definitely experienced them in many different ways, so I tried to make Suga's experience as realistic and believable as possible.

Suga knew as soon as he woke up that today was not going to be a great day. He felt more tired than usual, his limbs heavy with lack of sleep, and his mind seemed on edge. Well, more on edge than usual anyway. He let out a loud groan as he forced himself to roll over and slap his alarm clock to silence it before grudgingly getting out of bed.

As he left for school he felt comforted by the cool morning air, but he still frowned as he made his way down the path.

Last night he had stayed up late filling out university applications per his parents’ request. He knew it was important that he went to a good school next year, but the stress was really starting to get to him. Especially since he also had a project he was supposed to be working on for his history class that he hadn’t had to opportunity to get around doing thanks to all the extra volleyball practices in anticipation for the Spring High Tournament.

Suga shook his head roughly, trying to clear it of the invasive thoughts. He couldn’t worry about all those things right now or he would definitely lose control, and he simply could not afford that.

Suga paused in his walking for a moment and let out a long sigh before he planted a smile on his face and rounded the corner.

“Hey Suga!” Daichi, Suga’s best friend since their first year of high school, called out to him from where he was leaning against a fence. “Glad you’re finally here! I was starting to worry that you’d overslept,” Daichi grinned as Suga made his way over and they both started walking towards he school.

“Ha, ha,” Suga smiled. “As if I would be the one to oversleep. How many times have you just barely made it to the gym on time because you pressed snooze to many times?”

Daichi chuckled, “fair enough.”

The two continued on in amicable silence as they made their way down the last short hill to the school, Suga always a half step behind Daichi as he carefully kept his expression hidden from his best friend.

Suga still felt on edge, an uncomfortable knot in his belly making his skin prickle and his senses more alert than usual. He gripped the strap of his backpack tightly and chewed on the inside of his cheek, the uncomfortable tightness spreading from his belly to his chest. He saw Daichi glance back at him a few times, an eyebrow raised in concern, but he just shook his head and tried to push the feeling away.

As they approached the clubroom, Suga felt Daichi pause beside him and lay a hand on his shoulder. The contact eased some of the anxiety bubbling in Suga’s stomach and he felt himself lean into the touch.

“Hey, Suga. You okay?” Daichi asked him in a soft voice.

“‘M fine,” he lied, not making eye contact with the larger boy. He wasn’t sure why he did not want to tell the truth. Daichi always knew when something was wrong anyway. He always had. 

Suga closed his eyes for a few seconds and felt Daichi pull him into a hug. “You’re going to be fine, Suga. Everything will be alright,” Daichi’s warm breath stirred the hair around Suga’s ear and he felt himself smile before he pulled away.

“Yeah. I know,” Suga grinned briefly and squeezed Daichi’s hand gently before retreating into the clubroom to get ready for volleyball practice.

\- - -

By the end of morning practice, Suga was on edge again. He tried not to let it show as he smiled gently to his teammates and gave direction when it was needed, but it was becoming difficult to hide his wince every time a ball hit the floor or someone shouted a little too loud. Every sound was sending daggers of anxiety through Suga’s chest and he was trying desperately to contain it.

Once practice was finally over and the gym cleaned up, Suga took his time going to the clubroom and changing. He knew the clubroom would be loud and chaotic while his kouhai were in there, so he waited until most of them were gone before he went to change. Unfortunately Daichi had a test first thing so he couldn’t wait with Suga, but he did squeeze his arm reassuringly before heading to class.

Since Suga had waited so long before changing, he ended up being the last person in the room. He took the opportunity to take a couple deep, steadying breaths and collect himself.

He had had days like this before, where he had been on edge for no real reason. It always seemed to be associated with some lack of sleep or too much work, but he had been able to control himself for the most part in the past. The few times that his anxiety had gotten out of control and panic overtook him, he had always been at home, or else somewhere far away from his classmates. He knew that people saw him as gentle and unimposing, but he did not want them to see him as weak as well, and he knew that if he let his feelings of turmoil take over that that is exactly what they would think.

Suga took a couple more steadying breaths before he grabbed his bag and started off to class. There was no point worrying now when he had school to deal with. So he pushed his feelings down as much as possible, planted a smile on his face, and tried to ignore the way he would start at every loud noise and how his eyes kept darting from side to side as if someone would attack him at any moment.

\- - - 

Suga managed to hold himself together more or less until his math lesson, his last class before lunch break. It was five minutes before the bell was due to ring when his teacher began handing back their tests from the previous week and Suga felt his stomach drop as he looked at his grade. 

There, at the top the page, was a large, ugly, red D.

_How could I let this happen?!_ Suga thought to himself as his fingertips started to tremble and his heart started beating faster.

_I’ll never make it into a good university like this! Dad is going to kill me. Mom is going to be so disappointed. I’m going to have to quit volleyball to make up for this. Everyone is going to be so angry with me._  

In the back of his mind, Suga knew he was being irrational. The test did not count for much and he already had a high grade in this class and most of his others, and while his parents could be strict about grades, they understood that everyone has bad days sometimes. But that did not stop the anxiety that Suga had been barely suppressing all day from overtaking him.

As soon as the bell rang, Suga sprang from his seat and pushed his way down the hall to the boy’s restroom. He desperately tried to control his breathing as he walked through students who were already starting to gather by the windows, and he tried to ignore the feeling that everyone was staring at him like some kind of freak. 

Mercifully, the bathroom was empty when Suga entered it. He knew most of the boys in the school tried to avoid this particular restroom since half the toilets never worked anyway and the urinals were almost always clogged for one reason or another. He contemplated locking the door behind him, but decided against it and made his way over to the sinks.

Suga’s breaths were coming quicker and quicker, and his hands were starting to shake even more as he braced them against the edge of the sink. He tried in vain to regain control of his body, but he couldn’t calm his racing heart, and after a minute he slid to the floor and pressed his back against the wall while pulling his knees up to his chest.

_Why? Why? Why?!_ Suga asked himself desperately. _Why here? Why now? Why do I have to be so stupid and pathetic and weak?!_

Tears were pricking at Suga’s eyes and his breaths were coming so quickly and so shallowly that he was starting to get light-headed. The shaking had also gotten worse and now his whole body was vibrating and trembling uncontrollably. 

  _I’m so pathetic. I’m such a fucking loser. Who the hell has a panic attack over one bad grade? It’s so stupid. Why do I have to be so damn weak all the time!?_

Tears were clouding Suga’s vision now as he stared at his hands. He noticed absently that he had been wringing them together almost painfully, trying to stop the shaking, but it wasn’t working. His body was starting to feel heavy and black spots were beginning to appear at the edges of his clouded vision. 

“Suga? Suga! Suga are you okay?!” he distantly heard a voice calling to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look up at whoever was calling him. His body felt weak and tired and completely out of his control.

_Is this what dying feels like? Could I be dying right now? Is it some kind of seizure? How pathetic. Dying in the busted boys bathroom at school. I can’t even die in a dignified manor_.

Suga was terrified. He had had panic attacks before, but this felt worse somehow. He had always been able to pull himself back to reality eventually, but this time he just felt too weak and tired and his body felt too out of control. 

He felt a hand press against his shoulder and he flinched away from it. He did not know who was in the bathroom with him, but he couldn’t stand the thought that whoever they were, they were a witness to this, this pathetic weakness of his.

A sob tore from his throat amidst the shallow breaths and he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his trembling hands against either side of his head.

_Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop being so pathetic and stupid and weak!_  

He heard the squeak of the door as it opened and closed again as if from a fog and he felt relief knowing that now, if he did die, no one would have to see him.

He kept his eyes firmly closed, still trying to regulate his breathing to no avail when he again heard the opening and closing of the bathroom door, and once again a hand was pressed gently against his shoulder. This time, however, he didn’t pull away. 

_Daichi,_ he thought to himself, internally sighing with relief.

“Suga!” Daichi’s deep voice was sharp with worry but still gentle somehow. Suga felt him crouch down in front of him and felt the weight of Daichi’s other hand press against his other shoulder. “Suga, can you look at me Suga?”

Suga wanted to open his eyes, wanted to look into Daichi’s eyes and draw comfort from them, but his body wouldn’t let him. Instead, he tightened his hold on himself, pressing harder and harder against the sides of his head as another sob escaped his lips.

Suddenly Daichi’s hands were no longer pressed against Suga’s shoulders, but were instead against his hands, gently but firmly pulling them away from Suga’s head, Suga was far too weak by now to offer up much resistance. Daichi held Suga’s trembling hands in his own sure and stable ones and softly pressed his forehead against Suga’s.

“It’s okay, Suga. You’re alright. Can you look at me?” Daichi asked softly, his breath warm and sweet against Suga’s face.

Carefully and very slowly, Suga opened his eyes, but still couldn’t bring himself to look into Daichi’s. Instead he stared over Daichi’s shoulder at the floor. His rapid breaths were getting weaker and his vision had more black spots than it did before, which sent another wave of terror through Suga’s body, causing him to squeeze Daichi’s hands reflexively as his shaking body tensed again.

“Hey, hey Suga. Everything's alright. Here, just listen to my voice. Remember over summer break when you and I were playing volleyball in the park and I accidentally spiked the ball a little too hard and it bounced over to that family having a picnic? And then their dog started rolling it around and ended up pushing it out into the lake? And then I had to wade into the water to get it because that’s my favorite ball, which my uncle got me for my birthday. And you were just laughing at me the whole time because you had offered to bring one of your old balls but I was too determined to use the brand new one. My uncle had even had it signed but the signature got smeared from dog saliva and lake water.”

Suga felt himself calming as Daichi prattled on about that day in the park. The horrible shaking in his limbs was beginning to subside and his breaths were becoming deeper, although they were still weak from Suga’s exhaustion. Slowly, he moved his gaze to look at Daichi’s cheek, then his nose, and finally, he looked into his friend’s eyes. His gaze was soft and warm, a gentleness in it reserved only for Suga. Concern had tightened his features slightly, but when Suga caught his gaze he relaxed and smiled.

Daichi slowly pulled his forehead away from Suga’s and repositioned himself so he was sitting beside him, one arm wrapped protectively around his shoulders and the other resting in front of him, still holding onto Suga’s lightly trembling hands.

The numbness that had begun to overtake Suga as the shaking increased began to subside as he laid his head against Daichi’s chest. After a few minutes, the shaking finally stopped and Suga was able to take a deep, slow breath, but his body felt heavy and weak. His eyes had fallen closed as he rested against Daichi and listened to his soft and reassuring voice echo in his chest as he talked about nothing and everything. 

“Thank you,” Suga murmured weakly when Daichi paused in his talking.

“For what?” Daichi craned his neck so that he could look into Suga’s amber eyes that were just barely cracked open.

 “For being here. For coming. How did you even know?” Suga opened his eyes a little wider so that he could look fully into Daichi’s.

Daichi paused for a moment, thinking. “Tanaka came and got me. He saw you come in here, said you looked pale and freaked out. When he came in here he tried to help but said you wouldn’t let him touch you and that you said my name so he came to get me. Guess he thought I could do more for you than he could.” Daichi chuckled softly and Suga tucked his face further into his chest.

_So it was Tanaka who was in here,_ he thought to himself. _I didn’t know I said Daichi’s name though_.

He felt Daichi move again to pull Suga closer and wrap both arms around him before pressing his lips to the top of Suga’s head. When he spoke again, his voice was even softer than before, and thick with an emotion Suga couldn’t quite place. “I’ll always be here when call for me Suga. I’m just sorry I wasn’t here earlier. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know you had panic attacks like this.”

Suga let out a soft grunt, exhaustion mixed with the comfortable feeling of Daichi’s embrace threatening to pull him into a pleasant unconsciousness. “’S'not your fault,” He mumbled into Daichi’s chest as he gripped the other boy’s shirt with his fist. “You were here. That’s all that matters.”

Warm and safe against Daichi’s chest, Suga felt himself start to fall asleep. He heard Daichi’s voice, warm and gentle against Suga’s cheek, as he whispered “I love you” right before Suga lost consciousness.

\- - - 

Suga awoke about forty-five minutes later, still in the boy’s bathroom and still in Daichi’s embrace. He had been shifted slightly so that now he was sitting in Daichi’s lap rather than beside him, but Daichi’s arms still encircled him, and Daichi’s lips were still resting gently against the top of Suga’s head. Suga in turn had maintained his grasp on Daichi’s shirt as he slept, and the fabric was wrinkled in his now loose fist. He still felt a little weak from his earlier panic, but all his anxiety was mercifully gone. 

With his head pressed to Daichi’s chest, Suga was able to hear his friend’s steady heartbeat and he smiled. He nuzzled into Daichi’s chest briefly, breathing in his warm scent and noticing how the heart beat’s paced increased slightly, before he sat up and blinked a few times, taking in his surroundings a bit more fully.

Daichi and Suga’s bags rested beside the two boys, leaning against the bathroom wall, and Suga wondered momentarily when they had gotten there. 

“Tanaka brought them to us while you were asleep,” Daichi said softly when he noticed where Suga was looking, his deep voice pulling Suga’s attention to him. Realizing he was still sitting in the other boys lap, Suga blushed lightly and looked down at Daichi’s arms, which were still wrapped securely around the slighter boy. “He also told our teachers that you got sick and that I was helping you, so we’re excused from class for the time being. We just need to stop by the nurse’s office to validate our excuse.”

“Oh,” Suga murmured, then paused, his face still warm. He gently rubbed the thumb from the hand that wasn’t gripping Daichi’s shirt along the other boys arm before he smiled and leaned away from him some so that he could look into his best friend’s eyes. “Thank you again Daichi, really,” he said softly. “And… I love you too.” he smiled, blushing a little more deeply.

Daichi looked gently back at him before leaning forward to kiss his temple. The two boys sat like that for a little while before finally getting up and grabbing their backpacks. Daichi carefully entwined his fingers with Suga’s and smiled at his boyfriend before they left the bathroom to go and get a pass from the nurse.

 


End file.
